that's SO hot.

THIS IS GOODBYE

Fri, 30 Jan 2009 19:02:18 GMT

Dear Insert-Your-Name

HELLO EVERYBODY.

This site is OFFICIALLY CLOSED =)
I HAVE A NEW URL DY.
YEAY.

XOXO

Malam Ini, Maafkanlah.

Wed, 28 Jan 2009 18:24:42 GMT

Kadang-kadang, hidup ni, jadi leka.
Memang leka.

Kita go thru one day at a time,
sungguh BUSY, sungguh....

Makin hari makin sibok.
Makin hari makin jauh.
and kita jadi leka.
Leka dengan kehidupan.

Leka dengan duniawi.
Lupa tanggungjawab sebenar.

Kadang-kadang kita leka sangat,
tapi Allah tetap sayang kita, kasi kita kesedaran.

Ya Allah, terima kasih malam nie.

Terkenang dekat Arwah Sara,
I miss you so much.
Terkenang masa hari raya main mercun sama-sama.
Beli baju tidur design sama.
Kita suka main masak masak, kan?
Pergi cuti sana sini.
Beli barang semua sama aja.

Growing up,
I didn't take the chance to really spend that much time with you.

And now that you're gone,
Memang susah, susah sangat nak terima.

Ya Allah..
Ampunlah.

Malam ni saya menangis lagi teringat Sara.
Dia baik, dia kecil lagi.
Tak, jangan salah faham, saya tak pertikaikan pemergian dia,
Saya redha.
Saya terima.

Tapi,
Malam ni, saya terkenang & air mata terus berlinang.
Ada orang cakap, "Jangan nangis, itu takdir."
Ada orang cakap, "Not all are beautiful as it might seem."
Yer, saya tahu semua tu.

Saya terima takdir, saya memang terima.
Tapi,
Air mata tetap nak jatuh.
Saya rindu.
Maafkanlah.

If I knew Italy was our last trip together,
I would have spend all the time I had with you.
I'm sorry I never took the time.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.

Sara, forgive me for crying tonight.
I miss you.

Insya Allah kita bertemu lagi.

The OC Beach

Mon, 06 Oct 2008 14:37:41 GMT

I woke up quite early today, despite what happened last night. He..he he.
Anyway, it was sunny so we decided to go to the beach.

I've always been The OC fan. I think it's one of the coolest TV Shows, ever.
I especially dig Marissa Cooper's style.
And I totally disagree when The OC axed her from the show.
She is The OC!

Anyway, the reason I am talking about The OC is that, because the beach that I went to was The OC Beach. Yes, the exact beach where they used to have their late night parties, where Seth, Summer, Ryan & Marissa dated, where Marissa overdosed herself, and, everything else.

I started the day by getting Azri to pose me a shot.

Say Hello to California!

To be honest, there was nothing spectacular about the beach.
Aside from the fact that it was featured in the OC, it was somewhat, ordinary.

However, I still can't deny that all beaches are in fact, a lovely place to be.
It somehow makes me feel all giddy and happy.

I like to mess around with Azri & Azam :D

So yeah, it was windy & sunny. I wished it stayed that way every day!
Not chilly, and dry, and rainy.. Gosh!

The weather was amazing that day, and how I wish you were there too :)

Fossil Dig Site

Sat, 27 Sep 2008 19:09:31 GMT

I was out at the Fossil Dig Site today.
I didnt really expect to find anything, but heck,
it is, afterall, THE FOSSIL Dig Site ;)

Anyway, I was minding my own business, thinking about the Java Chips Frapucinno that I was going to have for lunch, when I found the fossil.

Fascinated I was, by the finding, but, this, got me thinking.

You know, you can bury anything you want. You can hide anything. Pretend, or ignore.
But at the end of the day, the truth will STILL be there, eventho just as fossils, and not as clear as it used to be..
But, it will still be there.

The past haunts you.

That instant, I decided, I will NOT let the past haunt me.

"I shall clean my dirty laundry. "

Later that day, I was out with 2 of my very best friends.
All three of us, agreed, it was time - to clean our dirty laundry.

Clean EVERYTHING, every last piece of clothing.
Stop piling the laundry, it's time to send them away.
No looking back to remorse on things that's already tampered with, worn and old.

Worn & Old.
Dirty Laundry.

To start fresh, you have to be fresh.
Clean your dirty laundry.

Then only can you focus on a new day.

Hey, Hooters!

Sat, 06 Sep 2008 17:45:19 GMT

I was watching "Girls Next Door" earlier on,

The Playboy mansion was looking for a new Playmate to become November covergirl.

It's interesting to see on the NUMBER of girls that went for the casting, and gosh,
I tell you, some of them,
I was like "are you out of your mind? Playmate? Like, really?"

I mean, some of them were old enough to actually become a Grandma,
and some actually looked like a cow, not that I'm judging, but really?

I guess it actually took quite a courage to be featured in TV, wearing nothing,
with that sort of presentation.

Anyway, it was something like, erm, American Idol,
like when that I forgot his name, that chinese guy, who sang Ricky Martin song?
Yeah.
That guy.

Those girls, were out there, confidently saying
" I AM THE NEXT PLAYMATE."

Oh well.
The famous 3 Bunnies of Hugh Hefner went to Hooters in that episode.
Holly, Hugh Hefner's favorite out of the 3 BUNNIES, ordered "Fried Pickles".
I was watching this, and weird enough,
I was more fascinated to the Fried Pickles, rather than those playmates.
Suddenly I just felt that I really HAVE to TRY that Fried Pickles.

So yeah, I went to Hooters.

Azam got a little too excited.

Yes, this is the closest you can get to a Playmate when you're out with me.
I shall not be involved!

The little monster is happy. He gets to color!

Azri with Samanta, one of the Hooter girls. I loike ;)

Well, I ordered the Fried Pickled.
Not surprised, it looked way delicious when Holly was eating it.
Truth is, it was NOT that yummy, afterall.

I also tried the burger & the salad.
It was typical.
I guess the highlight was only the girls.

I don't know why I always fall for these media tricks.

Hollywood Walk of Fame

Sat, 06 Sep 2008 07:20:21 GMT

It's almost Christmas and boy, was I in a holiday mood :)
Tomorrow EVERYTHING wud be closed and today it'd be dark by 4.

So I thought, why not we do some last minute shopping,
get ourselves caught up with and like everyone else
Trying to purchase the last piece of smoked salmon...

Theeee....
Yeah, where else do we go, if not,
the Hollywood Boulevard itself?
Lucky it's just few mins from home, and I got parking right smack in front of Hooters itself.
And lucky me, again, it's a 2USD for Four hour parking, instead of the sad sad 15 mins parking spot only that's oh-so-annoying-but-is-everywhere in Holly.

Say "Hellooo Hollywood"

Hey! Hugh Hefner!

He is definately my favorite star engraved on Hollywood Boulevard.
Who would have ever thought, to build a house, filled with pretty hot girls,
and all you do is flaunt yourself, party and party, until you get freaking old,
and make a fortune while doing it?
Kudos!

Hey, Elmo!

Hey! Even the Elmo did his last minute shopping.
Like, really, he was out there, walking with me, and I was like
"So what's the plan?"
And he said, "Oh yah, Hot Choco and some groceries, you kno, Xmas style"
Then later that day I saw him again, this time holding and kissing small kids while their moms and pops took their pictures, and him, Elmo getting some money in return for the photoshoot...
He came to me and said, "Whadya kno.. my grocery money.."
Haaa... So next time I come here, I prolly dress as Hello Kitty or something....

Anyho,
Later that day, it rained.
I really didn't want to waste 10 dollars to buy some umbrella that I'd just disregard once I get back home, so I made Baby A, his very own protection kit.

Introducing, "Baby Umbrella Hat!"

Made out of rubbish plastic.
Hahahaha.
You see, it's VERY practical, as even Baby A's ears are covered.
And he is protected from the rain!
Hurray!

I guess it's time for us to go back home...
As you can see.. he is crying ....

Aww.. Look at that cute face :)

Silly

Sun, 17 Aug 2008 13:54:14 GMT

Look at that silly grin on my face.
Oooohh silly, silly, me.

Nooo...
Ooohhh, silly, silly you.

It's all your fault, now :)

XOXO

Cooking Day

Thu, 14 Aug 2008 19:01:18 GMT

It was a really, really, lazy day.
I haven't had a decent meal for days.
I don't know why the people here like to eat fast food all the time.

They promote healthy lifestyle, but all that's available here are hamburgers.
Sheesh.

So today, we decided to cook some "decent" meal.
Ahemmmm.....

Still in my pyjamas..
Yes.. I have NOT showered. *grins*

Introducing... the Salmon, before it was put in the oven..
I'm NOT sure if you can actually see it, tho.
It is, somewhere, down there.
Theee...

Cooked! & Ready to eat! This is, breakfast, by the way.

Oh ya.. While I was cooking inside the kitchen, this was what the little monster was doing outside.
Taking his OWN photo.

Making funny faces...

When I announced it's MAKAN time.. Look at his expression...

Now time to eat! Mmmmmm!

Play Snow

Sat, 09 Aug 2008 19:09:51 GMT

It's Christmas & Ho Ho Ho!

We were out for lunch,
and hey,
snow was all over.

Here, you will realize,
that Snow-Blowing exists!

Blowww bloowwww....

Snow makes us go all giddy.
(eventho it's fake. lol)
Don't you think?

This sad sod dropped his RM10 Willy Wonkas candies.
I can't believe he actually picked those up again.
Just because, it was RM10.
Haaaa!

Okay that's all for today.
Time for lunch :D

Hey,Great Wall of China!

Fri, 01 Aug 2008 14:09:29 GMT

Yet another LAZY day hanging out in the room.

Bored, I was.
So I dragged Tom & Bob to the bridge.
People say if you make a wish here it'd come true.
I have yet to see the results. :D

I was challenged to climb up Great Wall of China.
They say I don't have the strength for it.
They say I'm a grrrrrrrrl.
So jahat.

Anyway, say Hello to Great Wall of China.
Where thousands and thousands of people died while building this to protect them from the enemies.

It's interesting, when you are tortured to work to death to build a wall that was supposedly save you from dying.

I really did want to climb to the top. As I was happily drinking (as you can see), and torturing my legs in climbing each narrow and unstable steps of this wall, something caught my eye.
There was this stall selling "Certificate of Completion", it's like those you get once you reach the top of the Wall.
Well yeah, they were seling it in the middle of it, in front of where I was standing, so I had them engrave my name on it.
Obviously I continued my journey, but not to finish it to the top,
but actually head back down to the start.
1) It was easier to climb down
2) I was tired
3) I already have the Cert Of Completion.

Haaaa! So yeah, I lost the bet, I didn't climb to the top,
but heyyyy
The cert says otherwise!!!!!

"Aziati has climbed to the highest point of this Great Wall of China!!!"

Mahjong taime!

Invaded

Tue, 18 Mar 2008 03:04:00 GMT

Often enough,
what you see isn't always what you get.

Words, are just, words.
It can be empty words,
It can bring meanings.

Regardless,
Words can be interpreted in many ways.

Sometimes, it amazes me how the same words
can bring very, very different understanding to different people.

You can't control perception.

Different background leads to different mindset :)

There's no one right answer for all.
There's no perfect political answers.

"You be the Judge."

Churrosssss!

Sun, 09 Mar 2008 02:37:44 GMT

I might not be able to fit my pants one of these days.
Like today, I opted for the dress with the tights instead,
because those jeans are getting pretty, unsightly for, if not me, others to see.
*grins*

But hey, who is complaining, as today I was out for Churros.
You might say, No wonder those jeans are getting smaller each day?

I, somewhat, blame the 30 minutes "Extra Dry" dryers.
It's not Churros fault, as it is,
SO HOT and SWEET and SINFUL
when it's so COLD and DRY out here.

Don't blame the Churros, it's so Yummmy..

Hahahahaha... Those other 2 Churros was for someone else!! Not all mine!!! Hehehe

Time to get something to drink. Look at the little monster wearing them sunglasses.

So yeah, Churros was fun.
But if you have them each day,
You'd prolly have to stop blaming the dryer when those clothes start to shrink :D

You're NEXT

Sun, 24 Feb 2008 10:27:39 GMT

Whenever I go to weddings,
I often ask "How do you know?"

How do you know if she/he's the one for you?
How do you know you're ready?
What are the symptons?
What qualities should you look for?
When is the right time?
How do you know the feeling's real?
How long will the feeling last?
Will you be happy?
How certain you're not going to make a mistake?
How do you know if she/he's the right one, the right time?

Too many questions, and, too often,
I was offered answers by the bride or the groom.
However, my brain just can't connect the pieces.
I was unable to accept & understand.

People can provide many answers
Authors can write many books
Parents can give you many advices
Friends can share with you many expriences

Truth is,
None of this would make sense to you.
Nobody can actual come up with a manual on knowing when you found the right one, the right time.

Truth is, again,
YOU JUST KNOW.

You just know :)
No manual,
No answers,
No books,
No advices,
No expriences.

You just know.
It's not something you can teach
It's not something you can learn

I realize that now.
You just, know.

"You don't need facts & figures to understand"

Baby A & Santa

Fri, 22 Feb 2008 18:02:45 GMT

Yet another sunny day, it was, today.
I was out with family & of course, Baby A.

His Papa-The-Man got him the cutest Black Leather Jacket that kinda matches mine, and I thought he looked awfully cute wearing those.

Awwwwhhh..
*hugs*

Today we went to meet Santa.

Well, so-Called-Santa, whom I felt was a little too thin to begin with.
It'd prolly be a good business if we setup a company to actually screen/filter all these Santa mascots so that they ACTUALLY look like Santa.

Anyway, it was a longgg walk to meet Santa.

Our matching jacket.
*grins*

Well, Baby A didn't wanna go near the Santa, he is quite a penakut, I tell you :D
Meeting Santa, I can't help to wonder who is the person underneath the beard,
as it is, Christmas Day, and most Americans are at home celebrating.
Santa would prolly be some foreign Bangladeshi worker, you'd never know..

Sneak peak of Grinch's place..

Well, so Baby A wasn't that excited to meet Santa.
Maybe not his style, you know..?
He's more towards, mmm, Ben 10, or Power Rangers.
Little monster.

Snow in the Desert

Wed, 20 Feb 2008 15:43:12 GMT

I was sleeping when Miss K-J woke me up and said, "Hey, it's snowing!"
I was like, what on earth?
We are at Nevada Desert and, you say it's snowing?

Amazing enough, indeed, it was SNOWING in the DESERT.
How ironic is that?

Playing with the Snow.
No typical Snow man photos, tho.
We were freezing.
And my legs got stucked in the snow
Sheeeesh..

He's about to throw them snow at me!!!

I love the snow.
So putih. :D

Law of Attraction

Tue, 12 Feb 2008 11:20:06 GMT

Helo.
Pernah baca buku "The Secret"?
If you have, then you'll be familiar with "Law of Attraction"

Yer, saya memang tak baca pun buku tu,
tapi haritu pergi seminar; diorang tunjuk DVD The Secret 1 jam (based on the book),
so tak payah baca buku, tengok jer DVD tu.
(btw:- Haritu pergi Penang kan, pastu ada kedai dvd tepi jalan tepi hotel jual DVD The Secret tu RM4 jer,
tapi tak beli la pasal dah tengok kan masa dkt seminar tu)

Anyway, back to the Law of Attraction.
I somewhat agree with this Law.
If you think positive things, positive outcome will follow.
Vice versa.
(Read the book, or watch the DVD lah, I'm lazy to explain what the law is all about.. :)

Well, it's all in the mind really.
Saya percaya, kebanyakan benda berlaku bukanlah sekadar nasib.
Yes, some people might be lucky than others,
but semua tu kita boleh control, Insya Allah.

Berusahalah.
You gotta work HARD for it.
You gotta WANT it.

Law of Attraction simply means,
if you think you can make it,
Your mind will be up for it
And unconciously you will work hard to be able to make it
and thus,
you have it.
(Faham ke tak ni? Ha.. kalau tak faham, pergi Penang, cari kedai DVD pastu tengok lah the Secret)

Anyway, before I go any further,
why I am thinking about Law of Attraction today, is coz I was bored, at home.
I get bored easily and I think it's starting to annoy people.
(I beg to differ, I think I annoyed few people already:)

And when saya bosan, saya jadi boring
lepas tu mulalah mengeluh
pastu suasana kat rumah mulalah jadi lah suram

You attract negative energy and flow back to the world the negativity.

And YES, I get bored easily,
tapi harini saya KATAKAN TIDAK!!
and especially TODAY, I will not attract the NEGATIVE vibes!

& that was when I saw Bob & his XLR.

So heyyy.. I thought, jom lah jadi tak BOSAN
Kita buat-buat macam happening

Photoshoot!!
*laughs*

Dalam gambar kita berlakon-lakon macam tengah photoshoot apa apa lah,
lepas tu duk gelak gelak sambil ambil gambar,
gelak gelak berlakon je ye,
tapi dalam berlakon-lakon tu tiba tiba jadi happy jugak
lepas tu suasana dekat rumah terus jadi best.

#1 Attempt:- Trying to look nocholant here. Like, "eh, tak sedar pun ada camera?"
Nampak real kan?

#2 Attempt:- Pretending like I was waiting for someone

#3 Attempt:- "Senyum budget cute",
pura-pura senyum macam ada jejaka hensem macam McDreamy kat depan
dalam gambar ni rambut nampak cam terurus kan?
jangan percaya atau terpedaya
camera trick semata-mata

#4 Attempt:- buat muka "How you doing"
Yer, memang fake.

I actually took hundreds of photos, but if I upload all of them,
I think you might wanna puke or laugh your eyes out,
because some of them were really, really, er, UGLY.
Okay, terima kasih :D

Thank you, my beloved photographer.
Nah ambik bunga curi dari pasu Mama

Marriage

Sat, 02 Feb 2008 05:06:52 GMT

I quote, "DH"

Marriage.

A promise to stay together for better or for worse.
For richer or for poorer.
In sickness and in health.
To honor and to cherish.
Forsaking all others.
Until death do us part.

Yes, the vow is simple.
Finding someone worthy of such a promise is the hard part.

But if we can, that's when we BEGIN to believe in happily ever after.

1 Minute, 1 Hour, 1 Day & A Lifetime.

Wed, 02 Jan 2008 18:14:29 GMT

A particular someone quoted

"It takes a minute to have a crush on someone,
an hour to like someone,
a day to love someone,
and a lifetime to forget someone"

You can just have this crush on ANYONE in a minute.
Then you talk, get to know each other.
Minutes later, you might feel that you are starting to like that person.

A day with that person, if it's fate, then MAYBE you might think you're in love.
I, somehow, am quite cynical of this particular statement.
That's why I quoted MAYBE.

I don't think it takes a day to love someone.

Love, is, "a journey."
It's like a construction project that never ends.
A building that is never completed.

You have to work to make it work.
Work it until you can't work IT NO more.
If that's so, you can either WALK out of that building & go to the next, or other buildings.
Or build new ones.
You can also just STAY in the building, with no new constructions, no maintance, and just rot together.
Until the building crashes on you.

Love doesn't just happen in a day.
You choose someone you want to love, someone you can learn love.
AND YOU MAKE LOVE HAPPEN.
You cry, you bleed, you fight, you die.
That's love to me.

Pure hard work.
You can't just wait for it to flow and grow.
It's all bullshit.

People might have different views.

And to think after all the shit you have to go thru,
Once it ends,
The statement above (in pink) remains true.

IT TAKES A LIFETIME TO FORGET SOMEONE.

Forgetting needs EXTRA work.

"Sometimes, there's just too much that time CANNOT erase"

The stars up in the sky, tonight

Fri, 14 Dec 2007 19:39:12 GMT

Tonight I am, extra, grateful.

I've been grateful for many things, really,
I am blessed.

But tonight, I am grateful for one particular reason.
To be honest, I've been grateful for that reason each night :)

I've been grateful for countless days.
Nights.
Months.
Years.

My best friend.

He keeps me sane when it was way too much to take.
He fought for me when the world was against me.
He held my head up when I felt like falling.
He stood by me when everyone else walked away.

People come and go in my life,
Things change,
But we remained constant.

People often wonder, Why we are NOT together?
I guess only the both of us have the answer to that.
Nobody really understand.

He is my strength.
He is my voice.
He is my opinion.
He is my companion.

He makes me laugh when my eyes hurt from crying.
We can just sit at one place without doing or saying anything.
but yet, I feel great.

I guess, what I'm really saying is,
At this particular moment of my life,
I really don't know what would have happened to me if I don't have him my best friend.

I know he made way too many sacrifices for me,
Some I don't even deserve.

So tonight, like so many nights before and many nights soon to come,
I am grateful, thankful, for him.

One day, both of us will get married,
And have our own family and kids,
Occupied with our own life,
and other commitments to fulfill.
And I don't need him to choose me over his wife,
Because it is not even a competition.

Because I know,
One thing remains the same,
He, will always be, my best friend.
And so would I, be his.

Friends are indeed, forever.

"Lovers and friends"

You broke me.

Fri, 07 Dec 2007 18:49:38 GMT

Damaged.
~~I don't want to be fixed.~~ I'll fix myself.

I dont want you telling me that it is all going to be alright.
~~I'm already shattered.~~

~~I don't understand how you can be so cold.~~ Ignorance is bliss.
The worst thing is, I don't even hate you.
I can't even hate you.

It's hilarious.
When you should just move on with your life,
You turn around..
and find yourself back in square one.

SQUARE ONE.

Why do I STILL feel sick?
I should be happy.

But hey, tonight..
~~I wish you Karma.~~

~~Fuck you,~~ Thank you, for not caring enough.
~~Fuck you,~~ Thank you, for not wanting enough.

~~Fuck you,~~ Thank you, for taking me for granted.
~~Fuck you,~~ Thank you, for all the tears I cried.
~~Fuck you,~~ Thank you, for all my sleepless nights.

~~Fuck you,~~ Thank you, for taking it easy.
~~Fuck you,~~ Thank you, for not making this work.
~~Fuck you,~~ Thank you, for not trying.

~~Fuck you,~~ Thank you, for breaking me.
~~Fuck you,~~ Thank you, for killing me.
~~Fuck you,~~ Thank you, for being you.

Most all all,
~~Fuck you,~~ Thank you, for tonight
~~Fuck you,~~ Thank you, for *censored*

Tonight, you broke my heart.
Tonight, you shattered my dreams.

"How do you fix something that's already shattered?"

Dear Chucky

Fri, 07 Dec 2007 18:33:08 GMT

You know when you were just a small kid,
There's this one annoying toy that bugs your sleep.

Yes, I still remember you,
Dear Chucky.

I hated you when I was small.
I still hate you now.

You are just way too creepy.
Twisted.
And, sick.

You have that evil grin,
And those eyes, they really creep the hell out of me.

Why did I have to watch that movie of yours, I never know.
And why did I have to watch the sequence after that, I don't know as well.

But I do know, I had trouble sleeping for many, many years.
I hate you.
You are just way too twisted.

Now Chucky, I finally have the courage to take a picture of you.
Eventho it wasn't the real Chucky doll, only some cut up poster of you.

I think I deserved some credit for that.
Because, you really, really, traumatized me when I was growing up.

So Dear Chucky,
Please, go away.
Don't scare little kids and me.
Don't kill people.

And to the manufacturers,
Please, stop making CHUCKY DOLLS!!!

I still hate Chucky.

Sacrifices

Sat, 01 Dec 2007 18:40:18 GMT

I quote "Grey's Anatomy"

A wise man once said,
You can have anything in life if you are willing sacrifice everything else for it.
What he really meant was, really, nothing comes without a price.
So before you go into battle, you better decide how much you're willing to lose.
Too often, going after what feels good means letting go of what you know is right,
and letting someone in means abandoning the walls you've spent a lifetime building.

Of course, the toughest sacrifices are the ones we don't see coming,
when we don't have time to come up with a strategy to pick a side or to measure the potential loss.

When that happens,
when the battle chooses us and not the other way around,
That's when the sacrifice can turn out to be more than we can bear.

"Are you worth it?"

My Faith & Hope

Thu, 29 Nov 2007 03:45:05 GMT

I quote 'Grey's Anatomy"

A couple of hundred years ago, Benjamin Franklin shared with the world the secret of his success.
'Never leave that 'til tomorrow,' he said, 'Which you could do today.'
This is the man who discovered electricity.
You’d think more of us would listen to what he had to say.

I don’t know why we put things off,
but if I had to guess,
I’d say it had a lot to do with fear.

Fear of failure.
Fear of pain.
Fear of rejection.

Sometimes the fear is just of making a decision,
Because....
What if you’re wrong?
What if you make a mistake you can’t undo?

Whatever it is we're afraid of, one thing holds true.
That by the time the pain of not doing the thing gets worse than the fear of doing it.

It can feel like we're carrying around a giant tumor.
And you thought I was speaking metaphorically.

Glimpse of Hope

Mon, 26 Nov 2007 16:59:09 GMT

You know when you were a little kid and you believed in fairy tales?
That fantasy of what your life would be --
White dress, prince charming who’d carry you away to a castle on a hill?

You’d lie in your bed at night and close your eyes and you had complete and utter faith.

But eventually you grow up and one day you open your eyes and the fairy tale disappears.
Most people turn to the things and people they can trust.
But the thing is, it’s hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely
because almost everyone has that smallest bit of hope and faith
That one day they would open their eyes and it would all come true

All my life, I've been walking in circles.
Months ago, I saw a waterfall.
Waterfall of hope.

I'd always think,
If you see a waterfall, walk towards it.
There, you will see a glimpse of hope.

I do NOT know how it began,
Regardless,
In the end,
I saw the light.

There.
My glimpse of hope.

"Perhaps"

Don't Promise Me The Future

Sun, 25 Nov 2007 07:48:47 GMT

Someone said,
"What separate great leaders is the ability to say NO, when it matters."

Interestingly enough, I am NOT here to become a leader.
We are not going to war, and this is NOT about who is in control.

I DON'T WANT TO BE A LEADER.
I do not want to make decisions.
I do not want to say YES.
I do not want to say NO.

Does that make me weak?
Then, good.
Because, for once, I am not in control.

Why is that so difficult for some to understand and accept?

Don't promise me the future, I would say.
I am weak, I am weak.

So, yes
I am not here to lead.
I am not here to make decisions.

It was never in my plan for life to go this way.
I wish I could say YES and make things all better.

Saying YES doesn't change the FACT
that things still remains the same.
and,
Saying NO doesn't change the FACT
that I do not want to walk away.

I do not want you to PROMISE me the FUTURE
when it is NOW that is hurting me the most.